Monthly Archives

June 2017

Rebuilding The Walls

Devotional, Divorce, Single Mom

Nehemiah was put in charge of rebuilding the walls to Jerusalem after the fall of Israel.  It was an impossible task, there weren’t enough people to help, and to make matters even worse, the enemy kept coming and attacking them from both sides while they were trying to rebuild.  They had to set watchmen to guard the walls at night, and they had to put guards up during the day, they had to wear their swords and shields while they built.  All of the men came together, men who were tradesmen, and men who were bakers, men who had never built with stone before in their lives.  They were all building, and guarding.  The entire wall was re-built in 52 days and when their enemies saw that it had been done, they were in awe because they knew only God could have done that.

I feel like Nehemiah, I feel attacked on every side, and I’ve been given the impossible task of rebuilding my life and my family, creating a successful career, and moving.  I feel attacked on every side, and I’m overwhelmed.

But God doesn’t ask us to win the battle, He just wants us to keep working with our swords and our shields up fighting off the enemy.  To be faithful in what we know is true.  To trust He will protect us and make the miracles happen.  I’m asking for miracles, Lord.  I’ll keep fighting the fight and taking my tiny steps forward, but when Your work is done in this life.  I want everyone to know it was You.

The arrogance in me that thinks I even stand a chance, I’m a fool, God. I’m only able to stand with You holding me up. Could you make sure I don’t forget it was You all along too?


Photo Credit:
Tomas Sobek

Setting Boundaries

Devotional, Divorce

Sometimes, when everyone is mad at you, it means you’re doing the right thing.  It means you’re finally figuring out how to set boundaries, and you’re breaking free from generational sins that “aren’t really that bad“, and you’re really trying to live holy, even if you keep messing up, trying to live holy still counts.  God can still tell when you don’t give a care and when you’re trying to please Him, and He is always looking at our hearts and so full of grace for when we fail.  But people don’t like having their sin exposed, and it feels bad to be confronted with someone who is trying to live differently.  So be gentle, oh so gentle.  Gently set those boundaries, gently wear your armor that keeps you safe, gently stand firm against enemies who may be people you love very dearly.  Gently, my sisters… each other.

It’s going to hurt, it will hurt when they yell, it will hurt if they withdraw, it will hurt.  I wish someone had told me about all the pain boundaries cause.  But pain is my friend, and suffering is my joy.  Christ is my only hope, and I am His servant.

Breaking free

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~Mary Oliver

Career, Devotional, Single Mom

Back and forth my mind goes on how I’m supposed to support this family, how to balance childcare, how to learn new skills,
struggling towards financial independence…
striving, not winning, focused on money and getting, and how I’m going to get more and more.
Making plans for this job or that job, deciding based on which one pays more.
But life is short, it is so incredibly short. Decisions like this are precious in our hands.
Are we going to be givers and servants, or ruthless takers?
Is fear going to rule, or love for others. Trying so hard to control.
Heading the wrong direction, fear and pride pushing me ahead without regrets.
Aiming for perfection, failing, always falling short.

This too, He holds in His hands.
He blesses us with time, He gifts us with skills, He gives us what we need, He quietly turns our head in the right direction,
We don’t have to grasp tightly onto our futures, we only need to grasp tightly to Him, trusting.
So plans I make, but then release them back to Him, release them to a Father’s steady love and care for me
letting go with every breath, everything I hold too importantly, to see where He will lead….

If the Lord wills
If the Lord wills
If the Lord wills

Be free, in Him

Come now, you who say,
“Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town
and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”
–yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?
For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
Instead you ought to say,
if the Lord wills,
we will live and do this or that.”
As it is, you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.
James 4:13-16

Photo Credit @chrisjroe

When Healing Doesn’t Feel Good

Devotional, Single Mom

I feel pulled in different directions, I don’t know which one to give up on.  I can’t handle this weight on my shoulders.  I’m literally trying to do it all and healing from deep wounds and am an emotional mess all at the same time.  I’d be lying, if I pretended I was doing it all on my own.  I’m not sure of the next step, I doubt my decisions constantly.  But slowly, some things become clear in certain areas like career, or relationships that need ending.  People to serve, and people I need to set solid boundaries with and limit my time with.  Who to listen to and who not to listen to.  I test my heart, I check to see if I’m hanging on to things because of fear or because of faith.  And I lay these burdens down before God, “have mercy because I don’t know what to do and I can’t do it”..  And sometimes He surprises me,  the pain is good and I don’t need to be afraid of pain, He is growing me strong through teaching me pain doesn’t need to be avoided but passed through.   How I resist, how I search for some way to get rid of this pain….

Grace means I can’t mess this up.  I can’t make the wrong decision and ruin my life.  He won’t let me.  He follows me around with goodness and mercy, guiding me, or letting me fall into my own sin.  Getting back up and trying again, day after day.  The point isn’t for me to get it right, the point is for me to keep coming back to him with my pieces.  This lie of perfection and being good enough and making the right choice haunts me like a blanket I keep having to pull off my head.  I can’t get it perfect and that both sucks and it’s awesome because it means I have to go to Him….and that was the plan.

So let go of the weight, drop your burdens onto Christ, let Him carry you, but most of all, come to Him.  Come to Him.

Live free, in Him.