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November 2017

INFP Weightloss Advice or Weightloss for Creative Explorer Types


are the different developmental characters for the INFP. Every personality has these same 4 characters, but they come in different orders and strength levels. Also, being extroverted or introverted changes the nuances of them a little.

Our te function is very weak. Te is the goal-oriented/does things without paying attention to feelings/gets things done function. We are good at thinking (fi) and exploring (ne), but our doing-hard-things-because-we-set-a-goal function is underdeveloped. This doesn’t mean we can’t help it get better, but it does mean we have to be smart about how we use it. A good place to begin is that we can only spend about 30% max of our day focusing on te (planning/goals) before we get burnt out and need to return to fi (thinking) and ne (exploring new things). So if you’re trying to lose weight, use your te wisely, figure out how to make exercise a routine, or do it first thing in the morning while you’re still feeling ambitious. Also, I highly recommend getting rid of all tempting foods in the home, because you are a FEELINGS person. Your feelings are going to take over, so get control in your moments of te (goals), and use it to help you later when you are in feelings mode. Hopefully you won’t feel like spending 3o minutes going to the store just because you want chocolate.

So the way I see it(based upon my personal observances), some challenges the INFP specifically runs into when losing weight are:

-we make decisions with our hearts, so although we know absolutely everything there is to know about losing weight, when it comes down to decision time…putting food in our mouths and exercising…our brains check-out and we are very likely to do what we FEEL like doing. It is difficult to feel like eating healthy and exercising. I also fell into the trap of thinking that because I knew everything about losing weight, that I was good at it: this simply was not true.

Some things that are going to kill you before you begin:
-writing down everything you eat (too much te all day long, this one is not going to last)
-a strict workout schedule that you don’t like (yeah, feelings..)
-anything you can think of to reduce your reliance on te (detail oriented, stuffy, boring, and hard) and direct it towards thinking and exploring functions instead.

Some things that are going to help you exercise:
-combining your workout with fi(thinking) or ne(exploring)
-fi(going on long thoughtful walks while listening to music or listening to a audio book)
-ne (trying new fitness classes at different gyms, exploring is so fun!)
-dancing (so much happy feeling going on here, I’m going to EXPLODE!!)
-dogs (I love dogs feelings!)
-group yoga (smells, music, feels so good)
-having a workout buddy to help keep you accountable (not an infp or an enfp, get some j in there)
-also, I think strength training is incredibly boring, so some quick push-ups before bed or lifting weights while watching tv work really well for me.
-connect your exercise with the outdoors. (I know you’re a nature person)
-mall walking (exploring)
-going to different trails on the weekends and spending hours outside (exploring…don’t forget your swimsuit!)

Some easy ways to maximize te:
-Keep a workout calendar on the wall and put X’s (for exercise) on them if you worked out that day
-get it done while you are strong and not tired
-get a coach to keep you accountable and help you with your weak areas
-freezer meals, you can make them in bulk or buy them from the store. They are so wonderful when you are hungry and don’t want to depend on your feelings to choose. (I find the ones I make fill me up better than the store-bought ones)

Personally, I think it is a huge step simply to realize that this is a weakness for you, and that’s have some great strengths :)…but to treat it like a weakness and get help, align it with a strength, or do it when you are strongest.

If you are an INFP (or any kind of P), what do you use to help you eat well and exercise?

Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash

Becoming A Healer

beautiful glass in the light

β€œOn the girl’s brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”
― Chris Cleave, Little Bee

Over at Geek Psychology, Sherman classes INFP’s as healers.

I’ve been thinking about this role as a healer and it fascinates me. Some of the conflicts I have had in different situations are clicking into place, they are beginning to form a picture.

eating healthier is more important than making people happy or entertainment purposes
having a peaceful home is more important than having a fun home
it’s okay to take on the burdens of others at the cost of myself
pain is sometimes necessary and not something to be avoided at all costs
faking happiness all the time is annoying
my super sensitivity to put-downs and sarcasm
the deep pain I feel when surrounded by conflict

All of these things have healing as a priority. They don’t define me as super uptight, but are a gift to be used.

One of the most freeing phrases someone told me about when my values conflict with someone else’s was “maybe they just can’t help it”, it’s who they are. The warriors job is to battle, the geomancer to control, the entertainer to be make happy. Whereas, my job would not be to shut them out, not to try to make them like me, but to open the door for them to learn, to invite them into my world of healing for a brief time, to set appropriate boundaries that keep it a safe, healing place. Boundaries are essential for safety which is essential for healing. They can do whatever they like in their own lives, but to enter my home means to enter my haven. A place I prepare for them with my gifts, a sanctuary….not a party. not a battlefield. accepting them and allowing them the freedom to heal. It’s a different kind of hospitality.

“The things that make me different are the things that make me.” A.A. Milne

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

A Tribute to Earth


He was a man who became gentler as life passed and becoming one who laughed easily. He would dance with me in his basement with a happy grin on his face..teaching me polka steps and swinging me around. Duty was his honor and he loved the feel of the dirt between his fingers. He found peace through taking care of the earth and providing for his family. He was a killer checkers player with no mercy which gave us a certain understanding about how life would treat us. He worked and gave again and again. He read his bible before bed every night with his red-headed wife and ate all she cooked. He held on to tradition, to values, to service, and to those he loved. He went in for coffee early in the mornings to talk with the local men about life. He watched all of us make our mistakes and was there when we needed him to be, a rock….a fortress…a steady hand to catch us. He was sacrifice. He was a builder of strength for future generations.

Photo by Dave Robinson on Unsplash

INFP Super Powers

Career, Single Mom

I’ve been studying INFP’s, watching their videos on youtube. It is fascinating, like looking into a distorted mirror. I’m understanding things about myself I’ve never understood before. Beginning to see what the differences between the four different functions of my personality are and which ones I should listen to at different times.

My dominant function is introverted feeling. I know I’m an introvert, so I knew I need to allow myself alone time to recharge, but I didn’t realize how much of an essence it was to who I was overall. I was in denial of my most dominant self, insisting that I was an “efficient organizer” or a “cheerful, adaptive socializer”. But those are only sidekicks of my main personality, and instead of owning it, I would explain it away as irrational and useless…not worthy of paying attention to, but the person who I kept slipping into and not knowing why I needed to. Once I kind of “got it”. I kind of got mad at God a little, like why did you make me like this? Why can’t I have “efficient productive organizer” or “cheerful adaptive socializer” as my main personality? Why would you do this to me? Why would you create me like this?

Think Galadriel from Lord of the Rings trying to be a productive dwarf her entire life, it’s completely wrong.

My “efficient organizer” self has come out many times and is strong in my life. It is what I was taught was the acceptable way of being when I was a kid. It has shown itself when I decided to go into engineering, but then ended up dropping out after 2 years and going into music ed (my dominant) instead. I wasn’t even allowed by my parents just to go into music, it had to be music ed which was obviously a mistake. I would have made a much better performer than teacher of many.

My first career choice in middle school was to be a musical missionary, but this also got explained away as worthless and not a good goal. It feels like my life has been based on me not being allowed to be me. What if I decided that artist/writer/musician was a legitimate career choice and went for it?

This career choice of web developer feels similar to the career choice of engineering a long time ago. I can do it. It sounds peaceful, it will meet my needs, and I will be able to provide for my kids. I could even take weekends and vacations for art and music. I could feel safe, independent, and happy and eventually get creative or start my own business with it. Coding calms me down, it gives me peace, especially if I’m stressed out. Creating gives me joy though, a deep joy and energy that is worth a lot. It isn’t something I could give up. A part of me wonders if I just waited another year until my stress levels out, would I choose a braver career path?

My “efficient organizer” personality is my weakest one, and the one that I’m the worst at. It’s what I turn to in stressful situations and it repels everyone around me, turns me into a jerk. I may have spent a year there after the divorce and I wasn’t that kind to the guys I dated, refusing to rely on my feelings out of fear. I need help with this one. I really saw how weak I was in this area after dating an ENFP personality. The way he twitched the situation from a different perspective caused peace and resolution instead of conflict and walls. I don’t know how to fix this weakness of mine or if it even is fixable, but I know I need a different approach if I want to communicate my needs and not alienate those closest to me. I need help with how I resolve conflict. There is a balance I need to find, but the balance will rely more on my feelings than my judgments and I’m going to be okay with that. It’s okay to trust your feelings sometimes, instinct isn’t irrational simply because it isn’t logical.

In one video I watched, he made the point that the choice of a career isn’t black and white. There isn’t a right answer, sometimes you jump and stay with something and that’s an okay choice to make. I think this is also true with dating, I need to take the pressure of perfection off and realize there isn’t a right choice, you jump when the cards seem right and see what happens.

My superpower is that I can see very deeply into people and understand their strengths and their weaknesses. Now telling them in a positive way about what I see, that needs a lot of work, but I’m excellent at understanding people. I need to trust this about myself. This is not my “efficient organizer” self that has this ability, it’s my dominant introverted self. My organizer self tries to step in, take over, and tell people all their flaws…she needs to be shut down…or I need to put a step in between her and my mouth that seriously gentles her.

Also, focus is a big weakness of mine. I see this in my blog writing, I can’t seem to stick to a topic. I also see it in my goal setting, I can set the goal but follow through is a killer for me.

This INFP guy is really helping me… I like what he said (maybe not in this video) about switching his thinking about himself from a rogue to a healer. I don’t know how to be a healer. Kind of inspiring me to make videos. I like his Lord of the Rings references on his web page.

What is your superpower?

Photo by Heng Films on Unsplash