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INFP Super Powers

Career, Single Mom

I’ve been studying INFP’s, watching their videos on youtube. It is fascinating, like looking into a distorted mirror. I’m understanding things about myself I’ve never understood before. Beginning to see what the differences between the four different functions of my personality are and which ones I should listen to at different times.

My dominant function is introverted feeling. I know I’m an introvert, so I knew I need to allow myself alone time to recharge, but I didn’t realize how much of an essence it was to who I was overall. I was in denial of my most dominant self, insisting that I was an “efficient organizer” or a “cheerful, adaptive socializer”. But those are only sidekicks of my main personality, and instead of owning it, I would explain it away as irrational and useless…not worthy of paying attention to, but the person who I kept slipping into and not knowing why I needed to. Once I kind of “got it”. I kind of got mad at God a little, like why did you make me like this? Why can’t I have “efficient productive organizer” or “cheerful adaptive socializer” as my main personality? Why would you do this to me? Why would you create me like this?

Think Galadriel from Lord of the Rings trying to be a productive dwarf her entire life, it’s completely wrong.

My “efficient organizer” self has come out many times and is strong in my life. It is what I was taught was the acceptable way of being when I was a kid. It has shown itself when I decided to go into engineering, but then ended up dropping out after 2 years and going into music ed (my dominant) instead. I wasn’t even allowed by my parents just to go into music, it had to be music ed which was obviously a mistake. I would have made a much better performer than teacher of many.

My first career choice in middle school was to be a musical missionary, but this also got explained away as worthless and not a good goal. It feels like my life has been based on me not being allowed to be me. What if I decided that artist/writer/musician was a legitimate career choice and went for it?

This career choice of web developer feels similar to the career choice of engineering a long time ago. I can do it. It sounds peaceful, it will meet my needs, and I will be able to provide for my kids. I could even take weekends and vacations for art and music. I could feel safe, independent, and happy and eventually get creative or start my own business with it. Coding calms me down, it gives me peace, especially if I’m stressed out. Creating gives me joy though, a deep joy and energy that is worth a lot. It isn’t something I could give up. A part of me wonders if I just waited another year until my stress levels out, would I choose a braver career path?

My “efficient organizer” personality is my weakest one, and the one that I’m the worst at. It’s what I turn to in stressful situations and it repels everyone around me, turns me into a jerk. I may have spent a year there after the divorce and I wasn’t that kind to the guys I dated, refusing to rely on my feelings out of fear. I need help with this one. I really saw how weak I was in this area after dating an ENFP personality. The way he twitched the situation from a different perspective caused peace and resolution instead of conflict and walls. I don’t know how to fix this weakness of mine or if it even is fixable, but I know I need a different approach if I want to communicate my needs and not alienate those closest to me. I need help with how I resolve conflict. There is a balance I need to find, but the balance will rely more on my feelings than my judgments and I’m going to be okay with that. It’s okay to trust your feelings sometimes, instinct isn’t irrational simply because it isn’t logical.

In one video I watched, he made the point that the choice of a career isn’t black and white. There isn’t a right answer, sometimes you jump and stay with something and that’s an okay choice to make. I think this is also true with dating, I need to take the pressure of perfection off and realize there isn’t a right choice, you jump when the cards seem right and see what happens.

My superpower is that I can see very deeply into people and understand their strengths and their weaknesses. Now telling them in a positive way about what I see, that needs a lot of work, but I’m excellent at understanding people. I need to trust this about myself. This is not my “efficient organizer” self that has this ability, it’s my dominant introverted self. My organizer self tries to step in, take over, and tell people all their flaws…she needs to be shut down…or I need to put a step in between her and my mouth that seriously gentles her.

Also, focus is a big weakness of mine. I see this in my blog writing, I can’t seem to stick to a topic. I also see it in my goal setting, I can set the goal but follow through is a killer for me.

This INFP guy is really helping me… I like what he said (maybe not in this video) about switching his thinking about himself from a rogue to a healer. I don’t know how to be a healer. Kind of inspiring me to make videos. I like his Lord of the Rings references on his web page.

What is your superpower?

Photo by Heng Films on Unsplash

My Top 5 Strengths

Career, Divorce, Single Mom

I took the Clifton Strengths Finder test (it’s cheapest if you buy the book). I discovered my top 5 strengths. They both confused me and made me think.

1. Responsibility
2. Intellection
3. Adaptability
4. Restorative
5. Input

I’ll explain them a little:
Responsibility: This means that when I commit to something, I absolutely follow through. It will get done. Honestly, the word responsibility as a way of defining myself is annoying. I don’t like that word, it is pretentious and heavy burdening. I am changing it to trustworthy.

This one really rings true for me, although I’m kind of embarrassed about it. I tried to hide it from people sometimes because I think they will think I’m too uptight, but when I find someone else with this trait in their personality, it is a relief. Knowing I’m not the only one who cares so deeply about doing right is refreshing.

Intellection: This means that I love to think deeply about things….lots of things.

Sooooo true! I love thinking! I could spend all day in my head. Is this weird? Sometimes this trait makes it really hard to be a mom, I think this may be the main reason I couldn’t go back into teaching….I like quiet jobs?

Adaptability: prefer to “go with the flow.” They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

At first, I was a little ashamed of this strength, thinking I was a chameleon of sorts, but that isn’t what it is really about. It’s about adapting to different situations and being able to fit into many different places. I often feel like an outsider, so it’s a little weird to read about my adaptive abilities. I do imitate people often to try to fit in better, their dress or their mannerisms…I try not to be too excitable around serious people..although my natural tendencies are to be happy and upbeat. I can talk with many types of people and am very accepting of many people, I can usually find the good in anyone, but I tend to judge negative or proud people harshly.

Restorative: I like to solve problems

When their is not harmony in my world, I get very stressed out. I feel it deeply and work hard to fix it. I find math fun and soothing, also computer programming is fun for me….

Input: People who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to
collect and archive all kinds of information.

I actually hate collections, I consider them clutter, but I have been known to collect words that I love, quotes that I love, and I love to learn new things. I love to read and discover new places, I love ordering foods I’ve never had before.

Overall, I thought the Clifton Strengths finder test was very helpful and I plan on using the action planning guide. I also liked that it suggested I match myself with someone who had the strength of focus and discipline to meet my goals. I also noticed that many of my strengths are not in the relational category, which is weird for a girl. Especially for one as feelings based as I am. But it does explain why I’m not as good at making friends as others might be.

I’m trying to decide whether to quit my job and go to a web development bootcamp. I like web development because it is a quiet job, I like solving problems, I like learning new things….I think it might be a good fit for me, unless they give me one job to do and have me do the same job every day. Then I don’t think I’d like it very much.

I also considered psychology, but I don’t think my people skills are high enough for this profession.

I also considered a business degree where I’d go into marketing….maybe in the future. My skills seem to point to web development as a good choice for me.

What would you suggest a career choice for me? Honestly, I’d love to read books and write all day and paint pictures, but that isn’t too practical and it’s not really an acceptable career choice in my family. I’ve also considered have a dog care business, I think that sounds fun, but not even sure where to begin.

Identity

Career, Divorce, Single Mom

Burning…not being consumed…engulfed in flame, surrounded by heat, like a burning bush

We look for our identity in so many things. In our jobs, our roles as wife, mother, daughter…
In our abilities, in our past, in where we’re from..this question of who we are lingers. Am I being true to who I am? Am I authentic, am I a fake, am I a wannabe, am I who I seem I am?

When Moses spoke to God and asked Him, “who should I say you are?” God told Him I am.

I AM

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.” Joshua 1:5.5-7

and the great I Am is with us, and He is in us.

You are a woman whom God is within.

He shapes us in every way, our emotions, our words, what we do.
He defines us.
Beyond our sense of us, we can base who we are in the sense and self of Him.
Our achievements and failures will not effect that.
Are we sufficient? Of course not, but He will be with us.
The conversation of who we are MUST always move to who Jesus is and can I trust Him.
Our journey is one of God making His people His.
making you His

Photo by mahyar tehrani on Unsplash

Why I’m Skeptical of Self-Help Advice

Career, Dating, Dating after divorce, Devotional, Divorce, Friendship, Single Mom

Seems like I doubt everyone and everything anymore, my investigative skills are on high when something appears to get my hopes up about something. The latest thing I’m done with is self-help advice. I read a good article about how we can divide our goals into health, family, work, and relationships. The article said we could be good at two, but not good at 4. We could be average at 4, but not good at any. Or we could look at it as seasons where we’re good at some things at some times in our life, but not at other times in our life. It was impossible to be good at all four at the same time no matter how amazing we were, we simply don’t have enough time and energy. Looking at my own life, I’m good at work and family. I know people who are good at relationships and health, but terrible at making money and they live far away from their family and ignore them. In fact, when I look at people, I can almost immediately discover which two are their strengths and which two are their weaknesses. This idea drove me crazy, because I truly do want it all. I want to be good at all four things. I want to be a good mom, I want to be healthy, I want to be awesome at my career, and I want cool friends to hang out with every weekend.

I found peace though, I think I figured it out. (or maybe a better way of saying it is: He opened my eyes)

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

Completely switch your focus off of “having it all” and focus on having Him. We are promised everything. We are free from striving. This is what freedom in Christ looks like. He is everything.

I used to get mad at the prodigal son story because it was so unfair to the older brother. He didn’t get anything. Now I’m realizing I didn’t understand what the treasure was. I didn’t understand that the party, the land, the money was worthless. The treasure was the father. Having the father is everything.
Photo Credit: @nicomiot

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~Mary Oliver

Career, Devotional, Single Mom

Back and forth my mind goes on how I’m supposed to support this family, how to balance childcare, how to learn new skills,
struggling towards financial independence…
striving, not winning, focused on money and getting, and how I’m going to get more and more.
Making plans for this job or that job, deciding based on which one pays more.
But life is short, it is so incredibly short. Decisions like this are precious in our hands.
Are we going to be givers and servants, or ruthless takers?
Is fear going to rule, or love for others. Trying so hard to control.
Heading the wrong direction, fear and pride pushing me ahead without regrets.
Aiming for perfection, failing, always falling short.

This too, He holds in His hands.
He blesses us with time, He gifts us with skills, He gives us what we need, He quietly turns our head in the right direction,
We don’t have to grasp tightly onto our futures, we only need to grasp tightly to Him, trusting.
So plans I make, but then release them back to Him, release them to a Father’s steady love and care for me
letting go with every breath, everything I hold too importantly, to see where He will lead….

If the Lord wills
If the Lord wills
If the Lord wills

Be free, in Him

Come now, you who say,
“Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town
and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”
–yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?
For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
Instead you ought to say,
if the Lord wills,
we will live and do this or that.”
As it is, you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.
James 4:13-16

Photo Credit @chrisjroe