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Single Mom

Hang Gliding in the Alps

Single Mom
hang gliding

My kids are looking forward to this camp our church puts on for the older ones during VBS.  They mention it every once in awhile with an “I can’t wait behind it”.  We’re getting better, the dark days getting brighter.  Hope is growing, hope that things will get better.

I’m working hard on a coding class so I can get a better job and my mom is helping to watch the kids.  They miss me, I miss them.  It’s hard, they don’t understand why.  I’ve found it helps to talk with them about my hopes; about my dreams for and with them. 

I want to take them hang-gliding in the Alps, I want to drink cappuccino in Italy and laugh at their foam mustaches, I want to go to Australia, feel the ocean breeze and learn the lingo.  I’m not sure if any of this will ever happen, who knows?   But it’s so good to hope again. Maybe there are many good things in our future.

 

Jesus whispers –

Leave the safety of what you know
and let my love be your safety instead.

Be my beloved.
Say yes.

Come follow me. And I will give you rest.

This is a deeper kind of rest, that people who might want to put you in a box (or have you stay in it)  – or expect you to do something in order to gain their influence, approval, or attention – won’t understand.

~Bonnie Gray

 

Photo by Anton Repponen on Unsplash

Grace For Your Weightloss Journey

Devotional, Single Mom, Weight Loss

May you remember it’s not all on your shoulders, He will carry the too heavy

May you persevere when you feel weakest and most exhausted, keep taking one more step, one day at a time.  This is often when the most exciting changes happen.

May you do hard and holy things, this is where joy is hiding

May you forgive yourself for your failures and start each day, each hour new again

May you believe there is hope and that all things are working towards good, ALL things

May you remember He is in control and His hands are going behind and before you, He is always with you

May loving people be more important than checklists

May you be a graceful encouraging light towards health and good choices in the middle of a black murky swamp of excess

May you trust Him when you are weak and not forget Him when you are strong

May you rejoice in the little blessings of the day and set your mind on the beautiful

May you learn to be satisfied in fasting and that you’re going to be okay

May you lean on Him hard

May you remember we’re all failures daily but it doesn’t matter because He’s got this

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”  1 Peter 4:8

Photo by Loek Hertog on Unsplash

How To Dream Again

Dating after divorce, Divorce, infp, Single Mom
silhouette of girl with transparent scarf

I’m trying to remember when I thought I wasn’t allowed to dream anymore, that dreaming wasn’t for adults, that having hopes was childish.  It was better to play it safe and take responsibility.  When did fear become bigger than hope.  When did I decide it was selfish to think amazing and impossible things.  When did protection become more important than adventure?  Sometimes when I allow myself to open the door to belief just a tiny crack, this overwhelming feeling rumbles out of my heart and overwhelms my mind, the tears flow because I can’t hold it inside, and instead of crying and feeling stupid, I slam that door shut.

Only to wait a week and try again, open it a little more, see if I can control it, if I can handle it this time.  But dreams aren’t meant to be controlled.  The courage to open that door wide, to let go, to see where God will take you.  Our loving God with plans bigger than anything I can imagine.  Where will He take me?  What is it I want?

“My heart says of you, “Seek His face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.”  ~Psalm 27:8

“I fly to Africa with one of my boys to witness how the Father of stars ignites His daughters.” ~Ann Voskamp

Photo by Keenan Constance on Unsplash

Shadows

Divorce, Single Mom

I’ve had my eyes opened to melancholy as a personality trait of mine…it went with the artist personality type in the enneagram test. I believe I’ve been melancholic often, but I’ve always denied it..this isn’t me, how do I fix this? How do I get out of this slump, what’s wrong? I’ve lived in a world where a smile is supposed to be pasted on my face or it worries the people around me, but how freeing to just be how I am and not have to worry about the anxieties of others. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be angry. This is the cycle, this is healthy.

“Every year about this time, I sink into a sort of quiet melancholy. It’s not the sort of melancholy that lands me in the bed for days on end or in the therapist’s office. In fact, it’s not a particularly unhealthy melancholy. It’s more of a realization that I’m little more than breathing dust, that I’m more shadow than gold (though I might like you to think otherwise), that I’m the incarnation of Solomon’s wisdom. It’s the sort of melancholy that might be concerning if it weren’t so damned cyclical, and though I’ve tried to push it down for most of my life, I don’t feel the need anymore. I’m honest with it. It’s part of the process of living.” ~ Seth Haines

The shadow’s the thing.
If I no longer see shadows as “dark marks,”
as do the newly sighted,
then I see them as making some sort of sense of the light.
They give the light distance;
they put it in its place.
They inform my eyes of my location here, here O Israel,
here in the world’s flawed sculpture,
here in the flickering shade of the nothingness
between me and the light.
~Annie Dillard from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

Photo by Teddy Kelley on Unsplash