Identity

Career, Divorce, Single Mom

Burning…not being consumed…engulfed in flame, surrounded by heat, like a burning bush

We look for our identity in so many things. In our jobs, our roles as wife, mother, daughter…
In our abilities, in our past, in where we’re from..this question of who we are lingers. Am I being true to who I am? Am I authentic, am I a fake, am I a wannabe, am I who I seem I am?

When Moses spoke to God and asked Him, “who should I say you are?” God told Him I am.

I AM

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.” Joshua 1:5.5-7

and the great I Am is with us, and He is in us.

You are a woman whom God is within.

He shapes us in every way, our emotions, our words, what we do.
He defines us.
Beyond our sense of us, we can base who we are in the sense and self of Him.
Our achievements and failures will not effect that.
Are we sufficient? Of course not, but He will be with us.
The conversation of who we are MUST always move to who Jesus is and can I trust Him.
Our journey is one of God making His people His.
making you His

Photo by mahyar tehrani on Unsplash

Becoming

Divorce

I’m becoming someone different, and the people who know me won’t recognize me. Approval annoys me. I have to become new, determined, not afraid to fight, doesn’t care about pleasing for the sake of avoiding conflict.
Who has learned to survive, whoever may get in my way and however bad it may feel. In the arena…..
You can’t have me, I’m not yours anymore.
Death to my sweet past.
….Entering the darkness

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9


Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash

Throwing A Pot

Devotional, Divorce, Single Mom

I got to throw a pot on a potter’s wheel this weekend with a dear friend. She is a potter and has been for a long time, so it was fun to share in her passion with her. I guess it takes a good week or two to learn the art of throwing a pot and getting it started so the clay is centered. The wheel spins so fast that if you don’t get it centered, it quickly goes lopsided and falls apart.

What a great life analogy. Not that we could ever figure out how to be centered on our own….but if we fix our eyes on the one who is in control of all things. He is our only hope to finding our center, our peace, our life, and without Him, everything goes to pot…

Jeremiah 18: 1-12
The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear my words.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do.

Then the word of the Lord came to me: “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. If at any time I declare concerning a nation or a kingdom, that I will pluck up and break down and destroy it, and if that nation, concerning which I have spoken, turns from its evil, I will relent of the disaster that I intended to do to it. And if at any time I declare concerning a nation or a kingdom that I will build and plant it, and if it does evil in my sight, not listening to my voice, then I will relent of the good that I had intended to do to it. Now, therefore, say to the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem: Thus says the Lord, Behold, I am shaping disaster against you and devising a plan against you. Return, every one from his evil way, and amend your ways and your deeds.’
“But they say, ‘That is in vain! We will follow our own plans, and will every one act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart.’

Photo Credit: @quinoal

Why I’m Skeptical of Self-Help Advice

Career, Dating, Dating after divorce, Devotional, Divorce, Friendship, Single Mom

Seems like I doubt everyone and everything anymore, my investigative skills are on high when something appears to get my hopes up about something. The latest thing I’m done with is self-help advice. I read a good article about how we can divide our goals into health, family, work, and relationships. The article said we could be good at two, but not good at 4. We could be average at 4, but not good at any. Or we could look at it as seasons where we’re good at some things at some times in our life, but not at other times in our life. It was impossible to be good at all four at the same time no matter how amazing we were, we simply don’t have enough time and energy. Looking at my own life, I’m good at work and family. I know people who are good at relationships and health, but terrible at making money and they live far away from their family and ignore them. In fact, when I look at people, I can almost immediately discover which two are their strengths and which two are their weaknesses. This idea drove me crazy, because I truly do want it all. I want to be good at all four things. I want to be a good mom, I want to be healthy, I want to be awesome at my career, and I want cool friends to hang out with every weekend.

I found peace though, I think I figured it out. (or maybe a better way of saying it is: He opened my eyes)

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

Completely switch your focus off of “having it all” and focus on having Him. We are promised everything. We are free from striving. This is what freedom in Christ looks like. He is everything.

I used to get mad at the prodigal son story because it was so unfair to the older brother. He didn’t get anything. Now I’m realizing I didn’t understand what the treasure was. I didn’t understand that the party, the land, the money was worthless. The treasure was the father. Having the father is everything.
Photo Credit: @nicomiot

On Making Hard Decisions

Devotional, Divorce, Single Mom

Have I mentioned how exhausted I’ve been…..trying to make huge, life-changing decisions this year? That choosing careers, and homes, and life paths in the midst of depression and anger has been overwhelming? That I’ve had to hand my life to the Lord over and over again and say “please just point me somewhere”.

Well, here is an amazingly wise woman giving advice on just this topic!
http://www.whitepitchers.com/8-ways-to-make-hard-decisions-wise-and-well/

“As we make decisions and choose paths, what we are really doing is becoming. With God’s help and a whole lot of vulnerability, in the process of making hard decisions, we are becoming more wholehearted human beings made in God’s likeness. That likeness is the one we were designed and called by God to be.”

“Just when I need my healthiest, grown-up self to navigate the choppy waters of a difficult choice, I find my deficits magnified.” Yes!!

“I don’t know what her decision will be. It almost doesn’t matter. A tiny part of the process of making the hard decision was sitting still with good questions.”

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Jeremiah 6:16

Trusting Deeper

Devotional, Divorce, Single Mom

Free 1 2 Timothy 1:7 Scripture Printable

We can rest in the shelter of His wings.
Give Him your burdens.

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Sometimes choosing to trust Him can’t be based on what we think or how we feel because everything around us can seem to be defeating us. Everything can seem to be crashing. But trusting God is a choice, and often it’s a choice of faith. Of choosing not to trust in what I see in front of me and believing His words are true.

Joseph spent 2-10 years in prison before the Lord let Him go, perhaps a lot of humbling and learning to trust happened during that time. Letting the roots grow deep.

T

Microwave Oatmeal

Divorce, Single Mom
peaceful girl in nature

Today is beautifully, peacefully boring. The work that is being done is silent. I’m not spending money, I’m not eating junk, I’m not searching for a new boyfriend, I’m not looking for more. We are moved in, the internet is connected :), school begins tomorrow. The girls are being lazy and so am I. It’s a perfect last day of summer.

Microwave Oatmeal:
1/2 cup oats
1 cup of water
pinch of salt
yogurt
maple extract
cinnamon
sweetener of choice

Microwave in an extra large bowl (for boiling oats grow) for 3 minutes, top with yogurt, maple extract, cinnamon, and sweetener of your choice.

Photocredit: Vero Photoart

Don’t Mess With Me

Divorce

Moving day is in 4 days, moving is probably common for recently divorced couples, as if we needed more stress. Moving + school starting for the kids = stress!

Why Does Dating Feel Like Jumping Off a Cliff?

Dating, Dating after divorce, Devotional, Divorce

My fear of dating the wrong guy is disappearing. I forget how prevalent grace is. I forget how He holds me in His hand and doesn’t let me get lost, how everything, everything is working towards good. I can’t mess that up! I could get married and divorced nine more times, I could marry a druggie, or an alcoholic, or be completely broke the rest of my life. I could marry a Christian who isn’t really a Christian again. There’s a part of me that feels it’s unethical to declare someone “not a Christian”. Who am I to decide that, how could God put that kind of responsibility on me, and who wants someone watching them all the time to decide if they’re really a Christian or not?

God show me the truth, and help me to obey and trust.

Why does dating feel like jumping off a cliff?

Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash

Dancing Solo

Dating after divorce

Last night, I decided to go out by myself. There was a street dance in the neighboring city, and it was reggae music. I love reggae music, and was sad I couldn’t go simply because I didn’t have a guy to take me. It made me think about why I think I need to be attached to a guy to have fun, and why I needed someone else there and couldn’t have fun by myself. I’m learning to have fun by myself. I bought myself ice cream earlier in the day too, no guy suggested it. No one else handed it to me and said “eat”. All me, I am pure fun.

Like a bird who’s been let out of her cage and keeps returning to the cage simply because she doesn’t know how to live differently. One reason I keep returning to men, is because I don’t remember ever living without one. One of my favorite things about being single, is the amazing freedom, but what good is freedom if I don’t use it?

I drove by the dance about 5 times listening, wondering if I would have the courage. Then I parked (in a very well-lit very public spot), and listened. I thought, I’ll just go listen to the music, I don’t have to dance. So I went in by myself, paid the cover by myself, made a loop of the place and found a spot to sit down. It’s funny how much you notice other people who are alone when you aren’t with someone. It’s like alone-radar.
Not being alone because others are alone too. Solo people tend to take care of each other too, a woman sat by me so I didn’t feel so alone, it was nice of her.

I liked watching the people dance, some were silly… Reggae music brings pot smokers, so that was interesting, and summer nights are hot and steamy in Kansas. Lots of tie-dye and wild red/orange/green combinations.

“her story starts where it should end” ~Nothing Ever Happens

Photo Credit: Brandi Redd